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Last night was a sleepless night for me, and I cried like a little baby. Usually, I hate the constant news coverage that spawns from a celebrity's death. This time, for me, it was different.

 

As a child, "Good Morning Vietnam" made me feel a sense of magic & wonder...I WANTED TO DO THAT!!! I was 8 years old, and thanks to Robin's performance, I never looked back. 

 

 However, that's not the reason I couldn't sleep

 

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I've suffered from 
Clinical Depression my entire life...As well as General Anxiety Disorder & ADHD.


I know, considering what I do for a living, it may seem an odd combination. Unfortunately, it's not that uncommon. 

I've gone through some very, very dark patches...I've battled my own demons of depression & addiction. 

Only a handful of people know how bad it's been, and have seen how bad it can be. 

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The least of these issues involve throwing up before a show, remote or club broadcast because of nerves & fear. 

The worst of these issues involve a paralyzing sadness, disgust, and a numb indifference to everything & everyone, including, and most of all, MYSELF. 

Through it all, though, I've learned to push through the pain, the fear, and the sadness. I've chosen to not let it define me or set my worth. 

It's not easy, though, but laughter, always, helps.

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Robin Williams was a role model for me, not just because of his creative genius, but because he had battled similar demons, and overcame them. 

That's what really hurts...that he was taken down by that awful darkness. That he had to feel that pain. That he gave in, gave up & surrendered. 

He deserved better.

 

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After a lifetime dedicated to making others laugh & smile, he deserved to feel that same kind of happiness. 

 

The world can be a brutal, savage, unforgiving place. Robin, for me, was a blessing. He made it bearable, brighter, and a lot less cold. 

 

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He deserved to feel that kind of blessing, not that awful pain.  

 

But, honestly, I wish he would've held on just a little bit longer. I wish he had seen himself, the way that we saw him. 

 

Lastly, I wish he had asked for help, because this world needs laughter, and that's just what we lost.